I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
