Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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