why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
