I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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