There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
