I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
