a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
