What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
