You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
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