That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
