Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
