Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
