so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
