Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Randomize
