I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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