Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
