Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
