mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
