Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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