How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
When did we convert life to cartoon?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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