I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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