At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Randomize
