i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
The air was thick with penises
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
