I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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