So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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