STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
