Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
