She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
