I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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