When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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