It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Soap is not a condiment
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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