he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
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