dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
