My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
