we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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