She's JV to your varsity
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
