There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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