I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
is that a dick in a sweater?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
