Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
