i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
