So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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