Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
