i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Randomize
