dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
