you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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