I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
