Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
