I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
