Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
