he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
