I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
